If you’re new here, go read Part 1 first—it makes everything I’m about to share even more unbelievable.
Because what came next?
I wasn’t ready for it.
Processing the Truth About My Birth Family
After I was told that my birth father had murdered someone, I’ll be honest—I didn’t just “move on.”
I had a lot to process. Like…a lot.
It pushed me to do something I hadn’t really done before:
👉 I went to therapy
Because when you hear something like that, it shakes you. It makes you question things you didn’t even know you needed to question.
I kept talking with my birth mother, trying to piece together more of the story. When I asked about my birth father, she told me he was “back east in prison.”
That didn’t sit right.
Going Down the Rabbit Hole
At this point, I had already done some digging.
All I had at first was a username—but that led to an email…which led to a name (thanks, LinkedIn). From there, I decided to go all in and use a background check service.
Best $40 I’ve ever spent.
And that’s when things got even more complicated.
Finding Out I Have Six Half-Siblings
Not one. Not two.
👉 Six half-siblings on my birth mom’s side.
One of them, like me, had been placed for adoption.
The other five? She kept them.
That was a lot to take in.
It wasn’t just about learning more—it was about realizing there was an entire family out there I never knew existed.
The Truth About My Birth Father
Eventually, I was able to get my birth father’s name.
And what I found didn’t match what I had been told.
He wasn’t “back east.”
👉 He had been released from prison.
Yes—he had committed murder. From what I learned, he shot his friend and buried him. The story I was originally told about dismemberment and goats? I have no idea where that came from, but hearing it definitely messed me up.
It was a lot to carry.
When It Got Too Close to Home
Here’s where things took another turn.
When I looked up addresses, I realized something that honestly made my stomach drop:
👉 They lived within a 5-mile radius of me.
At the time, I was training for the Revel Big Cottonwood Marathon and running through Holladay every day.
Every. Single. Day.
I was literally running past her house.
Small World Doesn’t Even Begin to Cover It
It gets crazier.
- A friend of mine went to school with her kids
- We discovered mutual connections on Facebook
- My wife’s cousin was assigned to visit one of them through church
At that point, it didn’t feel like a coincidence.
It felt too close.
Everywhere I went, I had this lingering thought:
👉 What if I run into them?
And honestly, it created a lot of anxiety.
Choosing to Set Boundaries
At some point, I knew I needed to make a decision.
Interestingly, my birth mother shared that she had also been adopted—and when she tried to connect with her birth mother, it didn’t go well.
I understood that pain.
But I also knew what I needed.
So I told her:
“I am so grateful for the choice you made, but I have never really been interested in meeting because I got the answers I personally needed years ago.”
It wasn’t easy.
And it didn’t go perfectly.
She responded with some hurtful things, which I don’t think came from a bad place—but they were still hard to hear.
Again…therapy helped a lot here.
Ending It with Gratitude
Eventually, I sent one final message:
“Thank you again for what you did for me. There is no way I would have made it to the family I am in if it weren’t for you…I will always be so thankful.”
And I meant every word.
Because at the end of the day, none of this changes one simple truth:
👉 I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be
What Adoption Has Taught Me
If there’s one thing I’ve learned through all of this, it’s this:
👉 Genetics don’t define you
Yes, learning about my biological background shook me.
But those choices?
They aren’t mine.
They belong to someone else’s story—not mine.
A Message to Birth Mothers
I want to say this clearly:
If you’ve placed a child for adoption—you are incredible.
That decision takes strength most people will never fully understand.
You carried that child. You created a bond. And then you made a selfless choice.
That matters more than you know.
Final Thoughts: Focusing on What Matters Most
I’ve thought a lot about the “what ifs.”
What if I had been raised in a different home?
What if I had never been placed for adoption?
But the truth is—you can’t live there.
What matters is:
- The family you have
- The life you’re building
- The person you choose to be
My story might be a little wild…okay, very wild.
But I wouldn’t change where I ended up.
Because I know this:
👉 I was meant to be in this family.
And that’s something I’ll always be grateful for.
