THE DAD’S GUIDE TO SURVIVING HALLOWEEN WEEK

Halloween is one of the best times of year to be a dad. The kids are excited, the weather is finally cooling down, and there’s candy everywhere. What’s not to love?

Somewhere between costume changes, buying candy, remembering where you hid the candy, October turns into a full time job.

So if you’re a dad trying to make Halloween magical for your kids without completely losing your mind, I’ve got you covered. Here is the unofficial dad’s guide to surviving Halloween week.

The Costume Situation

Why does nobody know what they’re wearing until the last possible second? I always try to have costumes solidified well before October 31st, but inevitably someone changes their mind, something doesn’t fit, or someone’s costume doesn’t come in time.

My advice? Get the costumes figured out early, try them on before Halloween night, and make sure all the necessary pieces are actually in your house. And don’t let the kids play with them before!

You’d think this would be obvious, but apparently, it’s not.

Also, if your kid wants to be something that requires face paint, accessories, and a complicated homemade contraption, maybe do a practice run. There is nothing worse than discovering you need to become a professional costume designer at 5:30 p.m. on Halloween.

The Pumpkin Problem

Carving pumpkins is a classic Halloween tradition. You pick out the perfect pumpkins, bring them home, and spend an evening making memories as a family.

At least, that’s how it looks in the movies.

In reality, somebody doesn’t like touching the pumpkin guts, somebody wants you to carve an incredibly detailed design, and somebody else is finished after approximately four minutes.

Meanwhile, you’re elbow-deep in pumpkin slime wondering why this is your tradition. But the kids love it. So let them carve something weird, let them avoid the pumpkin guts because this doesn’t last forever.

The Candy Tax

Let’s talk about the most important Halloween tradition: the dad candy tax.

Listen, I’m the one walking around the neighborhood, carrying the bags, and making sure nobody runs into the street. I think it’s only fair that I get a little compensation for my services.

Now, I’m not saying I need 50% of the candy. I’m a reasonable man. But if I happen to find a Reese’s or a Kit Kat in that bag, I’m just saying I might need to do a little quality control.

And if they ask why you’re eating their candy? Just tell them it’s a parenting fee. They’ll understand when they’re older.

Trick-or-Treat Logistics

Trick-or-treating sounds simple enough. Put on costumes, walk around the neighborhood, knock on doors, and collect candy.

Except you’ve got multiple kids who want to go at different speeds, somebody who needs to use the bathroom, and somebody else who suddenly decides their costume is uncomfortable.

Then there’s the weather. If you live in Utah, you know Halloween can mean anything from a beautiful fall evening to temperatures that make you question why anyone thought walking around outside in a thin costume was a good idea.

Check the forecast, bring layers when needed, and make sure everyone has comfortable shoes. And make sure everyone knows you won’t be able to hit every single house in the neighborhood, but they’ll still get plenty of candy.