I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I am not a fan of kids. But of course, once I became a father that changed, slightly. I have always loved my friends kids and nieces and nephews, or course. Once you become a parent though, it seems like it is harder to decide whether you need to be a parent to those that aren’t yours. Where do you draw the line?
Recently we went to Hawaii and my sister’s family was with us. I love my niece and nephew, but I always have a hard time trying not to be the parent and telling them what to do. So many times we would be at the store, airport, or the beach and I would tell them what they needed to do. “Come over here!” “Stay out of the street!” “Pick up your toys!” I am trying to watch out for them, but I never was nice about it. It was hard because I really want them to be safe, but it’s hard to try to a happy medium between parenting and uncle-ing.
Many times I am with my friends kids. Why is it that when I am with them, I don’t do the same thing that I do with my niece and nephew? I know that the parents are going to watch out for their kids and I feel like I don’t need to tell them what to do. But really, they are parenting their kids just like my sister would be. They are all amazing parents and I don’t know why I feel like I need to be the one telling them what to do. Plus, I have only been a father for a little over a year, what do I know, right?
Then I think that I also like to be the fun wild uncle that gets the kids riled up, but when they get too annoying I am over them and let their parents deal with their wild child. This would be my wife’s nephew. Me and him have what some might call a love/hate relationship (I could never hate him, let’s be real). We drive each other crazy. He’s a wild and crazy six year old and I love to get him wound up, wrestle with him, and throw him around a little. We have fun, but at the same time, when he starts to get annoying, I don’t want to play with him anymore. I know when I’m done being the uncle and then let the parents parent.
My wife was a teacher and it is always fun to watch her in public settings. She has a tendency to promote socially appropriate behavior and discipline any misbehaving child. Now she is at the point where she just guides kids if they are in danger or something. For instance, she will stop a wondering child from walking out of store without their parent. Rather than disciplining she tries to teach life skills, discuss good/bad behavior and problem solve together.
At the end of the day, you need to parent your children and let others parent theirs. Yes, there comes a time when you are watching out for the others and being their protector (like the time I went all papa bear on those kids picking on my wife’s nephew). But if you don’t like the way other people’s kids are being parented and you feel that you can do better, then show them. Actions speak louder than words. Show people that you’re a great parent and just don’t parent the way that they do. Learn from other people’s examples and do your best to be a great example to the kids that surround you.
