Meet Hormione: My Wife’s Alter-Ego

Being my anniversary I love looking back at the time I have known my wife. It seems like only yesterday that we were first meeting up every night to spend as much time together as possible. We loved going to the nearby park talking about our dreams for the future we were going to have together. We talked about EVERYTHING and put it all out on the table, but one thing she didn’t know about was that crazy hormone twin that was hiding inside just waiting to pay us all a visit. We have since named her Hormione.  You may relate with some of these experiences but just note that once we recognized her role in our life we find the aftermath of her visits quite comical.

I first met Hormione just before we were married when my wife got on birth control. Every night at 6:00 pm on the dot I would get a quick little visit from the crazy hormone twin. She wouldn’t stay around for long, but she always made her presence known that she was here. I was a little hesitant to bring it up to her but Hormione was nothing in character or anything I had seen or known before the added hormones birth control. My wife was shocked when I told her about it and we took a few days to make sure I wasn’t just making things up. A few days later she stopped the birth control- we were a little nervous taking it anyway being 30 and just starting out. We were freed from the craziness and the woman I fell in love with was around constantly.

We got pregnant and everyone knows that hormones are always all over the place usually calmed by cravings. I totally forgot or maybe blocked out the hormone roller coaster that affects us all after pregnancy. It wasn’t that long ago that we had our son (two years to be exact) and you would think that I would have remembered Hormione’s post baby visits but I had blocked her completely out of my mind.

Let me give you an example of what happens when Hormione comes to visit. One day my wife and I were driving to Provo, Utah which is about a 45 minute drive. It was morning and my wife wasn’t really talking. I had assumed that she was tired and so we didn’t really talk the entire way down. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary because we will listen to music or the local morning show that we enjoy. We go to the event and everything still seemed fine, but when we left and got back in the car my wife turned to me and said, “I was so mad at you the entire time we were driving down here. Like I was raging mad.” What? What did I do that made you so upset? She had no answer but burst into laughter. She didn’t remember what I did, but she knew that she wasn’t happy with me and didn’t want to explode. Hormione strikes again! She never stays long but when she strikes you know it!

My favorite visit was when after we had received meals, visits, play dates with our son and an outpouring of love from family my wife says that she has ruined her family’s life. I laughed out loud and said “Hello Hormione!”

Hormione likes to pay visits at the most random times: right when I get home from work, Saturday afternoon, just before church, etc. Really though, it throws me off every time she shows up. I just have to take a minute and evaluate the sudden change in attitude/behavior. Then I review my past conversation/actions to see if I am at fault for the sudden mood change.  Finally if it is random and completely out of the blue we know it has to be Hormione.  After the craziness leaves we both acknowledge Hermione’s presence and enjoy a good laugh.

At the end of the day what you have to realize when Hormione shows up is that it’s not the person you fell in love with and it’s completely out of their control. Don’t let it get to you or take anything she says personal.  You have to just let it roll off your shoulders and enjoy the laughs. I love my wife more than anything and when Hormione shows up I just know that we are in for a treat and will have great stories to share with all.